“If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another.” – Adm. Bill McRaven – Head of the U.S. Special Operations Command
Over the years working with young adults and seeing who stumbles in college, relationships, and just being able to live independently; seeing those that are successful I discover a common thread between long term success or long term failure. I look to academic research to see if what I was seeing was reflected in the research. What the research shows, is that good grades and SAT scores along is a poor indicator of success. A significant number of students that got into the best colleges, started good jobs, or married the best people but ended up moving back in with parents or just floundered had one thing in common; they did not do chores growing up.
Let’s just look at going away to college, your main objective there is take the knowledge, skills, and wisdom of your professors and make it yours. If you are good at that and you jump through the right hoops you will may earn a paper that says that you can call yourself a graduate of that institution. Unfortunately only half of the freshmen make it through the first year. It is not because they did not know how to take notes, read books, or take test; they have proved that already or they would not have been given the seat in the university to start with. The true issue is that they do not have the skills, grit, or habits necessary to be self-reliant. A common fact of those that had that had the easiest transition into college was they grew up doing chores at a young age.
Much of what our service to you is transitioning you to have a lifestyle as a happy successful adult that is an asset to your community, family, and self. We have already addressed that to be happy you must have autonomy, competence, and be in a healthy relationship.
We expect our students to only do a half hour of home work each day; but we expect our students to do chores at home to be responsable for not only their own needs but the needs of the family.
“The best predictor for young adults’ success in their mid-20s is that they participated in household tasks at age 3 or 4. It takes discipline on the parents’ part to involve children in daily chores.” Marty Rossman
The main reason parents give for not having their children help out is that it is easier to do it themselves Adults who said they were overindulged as children cited not having to do household chores as the reason why. By not being expected to contribute to the family by doing household tasks, they missed out on learning basic skills, which later caused distress and embarrassment. “People’s impression of overindulgence is being given too many toys,” However research found “The major way people said they were overindulged was not having to do chores.”
If you started as soon as you could stand on a stool and wash your hands you could have started to help with the dishes, take laundry out of the drier, or pull weeds. If your parents sang, told stories, or made you laugh during these time it would be something that you now enjoy, not dread and as you grew and the tasks became more complicated you would be learning more skills, developing more strengths, developing more grit, and most importantly just knowing that these were just things that you did every day. If your folks raised you from the beginning like this, great keep doing what you are doing; kudos to them; give them a hug and thank them. If not, forgive your parents and lets get you to started. It is going to be harder to start now, you will not have competencies, strengths, or most importantly the habit of doing these tasks. If you are starting now to do daily chores you may feel like this is punishment or your parents are making you do something that they do not want to do, that reaction in normal or worse your parents actually used chores as a punishment “A right, you got an F you are restricted and have to do dishes for a week.” get over it, you are doing it as your learning journey and your parents are learning with you. If you are starting know go ahead and start at the beginning of the like you were 2 and quickly develop you skills and fortitude and get to your age level. Remember, you are doing this as a major part of your educational journey, therefore you parents job is not to nag at you to do these just help you learn competencies as you go; one the most important factors of these core routine of doing cores is that you are learning to be self-starters. Have a list and schedule of chores and use it. In the evening journal what you have done, hours you worked, money you spent or earned. This document may be very important later on getting into collage, getting a job, or getting certification. Agriculture teachers need to have thousands of hours of work experience, and the hours and money you netted that is reflected in you journal may count for some of those hours.
The act of doing things daily that must be done for the good of the family develops a pattern of service over self. During gratitude at the beginning of a meal and being thanked for raising the carrots and eggs just feels good develops, a solid connection between the work you did, and the success of the family. Doing the profit and loss at the end of a project and looking at completed project built is tangible evidence that you add to the net worth of the family and how to add to your personal net worth therefore giving you a real self-esteem because it is your actions that earn you respect from others not just being. The act of doing things that must be done in the fall like planting onions and garlic for eating the following year, or cutting and stacking firewood this year than enjoying the warmth and light next year develops those same parts of the brain that make the connection between the money you save today will serve you when you want to buy a house as an adult or retire as a senior and the skills you learn today will serve you as an adult. These simple tasks, done daily, develop both short term and long term time management skills.
What does this mean
Doing cores, is not an act of punishment, but an opportunity to develop lifelong connections between you’re your siblings and parents working together for a common goal and just having time doing real things having fun taking, singing, laughing. This is a time to develop competencies by working alongside your parents and older siblings. It is a time to develop grit and physical strength sticking at a task long enough to get it done and overcoming the blisters and splinters. Finally by learning by living life you will encounter problems and learn skills in solving these setbacks.
Each day before school without being told you will make your bed, wash-up, brush teeth, get yourself dressed, feed and water pet, make your lunch, fill your water bottle.
Upon coming home from school you will carry in firewood and prepare fire for later, take out trash, put your cloths directly in washer and run it, you will shower, put cloths in drying, put dishes away, clean todays lunch out of your pack, take cloths out of dryer and lay them out for next morning. Rest, do your afterschool core routines, Free Rice, Khan Academy, play guitar, etc. enjoy some leisure time. Then set the table. After supper help with dishes, using some sort of primitive skill light the fire, then check that you have everything you need in your backpack for tomorrow, less your lunch and water. Have a check off list and use it, submitted to your mentor each Monday, it will be part of your quarterly review, and you graduation packet.